How to pick a boda

So if you've lived in Kampala for a while you have learned how to quickly and accurately select the best bodaboda from a group waiting at a stage. It's a matter of answering a series of questions.

1. Does the driver look sketchy?
Yes - find another boda
No - proceed to question 2
2. Do you think the bike will fall apart?
Yes - find another boda
No - proceed to question 3.
3. Does the bike have a headlight, rear view mirrors and a seat back (all in working order)?
Yes - proceed to question 4.
No - find another boda
4. Does the driver speak English?
Yes – proceed to question 5.
No – find another boda or try to communicate
5. Does the driver know how to get to your destination?
Yes – proceed to question 6.
No – find another boda unless confident in own ability to give directions and pay a fair price
6. Does he (it’s always a he) quote a fair price?
Yes – “We go” - proceed to destination
No – negotiate like hell, say you live here and you know it is 1000 shillings or whatever or find another boda

Deal breakers
Parts of the bike falling off when you get on the bike

Dirty or wet seat
No helmet for the driver (they can get pulled over for that and their bike confiscated so you get stranded)
Alcohol on board
Fighting (physically fighting) with other bodas in an attempt to win your business
Marriage proposals or other propositions
Quoting at least 2000 over the proper price
Allowing someone to ride side saddle with feet on exhaust pipe side

The ideal bodaboda, note the helmet, new shiny bike with all parts, reflective vest and helmet for passenger (last two only avaliable in Rwanda)