I don't cry

So I was out for a soda (yes a soda) with Adam, who I met through Chris and Chelsea, the other night. We were talking about medical clinics and all that and I mentioned one experience I had taking one of the youth from Paicho to the clinic to get her very sick baby treatment during the training a couple of weeks ago because it was the first and only time me or anyone I know has not had to wait at all (we caught the doctor as he was leaving and asked him to go back in). The little boy was one sick kiddie, turned out he had malaria, a chest infection and was a bit malnourished. The doctor pretty much scolded/yelled at Alice for having a malnourished baby (which of course implies you’re a bad mother) in front of myself and Alfred the driver. She didn’t say anything but I could tell it was absolutely humiliating for her. Under the circumstances, living in a camp, dependent on WFP food, young poor unemployed mother etc. no matter how hard she tried it’s very difficult to ensure the baby is properly nourished. WFP does not exactly give a balanced diet; it’ll keep you alive and pretty much healthy but definitely does not meet the Canada Food Guide. When I finished talking, Adam just looks at me and says “wow, do you just go home and cry some nights?”
The thing is I don’t. I have seen and heard some absolutely horrendous things, things that I don’t put in here because I don’t want to talk about it and honestly it would upset too many people, yet I can only think of two instances where it made me cry or almost cry. Yeah I get frustrated and angry with the injustice of it all, but I don’t cry. This is strange because I’m not ashamed to admit it but before I left home episodes of Oprah occasionally made me cry. Now when faced with suffering beyond anything I had previously imagined I don’t even tear up. I don’t know if I’m coping very well, or if I’m just very good at compartmentalizing my life, or if I actually don’t have a heart, or if I’m just repressing everything so one day I’ll just start crying and not stop for weeks or something. I really hope it’s I’m just coping very well.