culture shock

well that last post was a little depressing - sorry but i want people to know what's been going on here. plus it's been a rough couple of days when i finally realized how far i am from home and how long i'm going to be here. it's funny in our training we were told about how culture shock goes in waves, there's the honeymoon stage where everything is new and cool then comes the rejection phase where you really just want things to be like they are at home and get annoyed/upset with all the differences etc and then there's acceptance but i figured it wouldn't be that dramatic. wow i was wrong!!! Last night did the whole cry in your room alone thing for the first time since i arrived here, i've been avoiding eye contact with people on the street, i really don't want any more matooke, spent a unholy amount of money on imported junk food (ok like 5 bucks on chips and some candies), didn't go to the market b/c i didn't want to deal with it and i swear if those guys in the brickyard down the driveway yell mzungu!!mzungu!!! and make kissy noises at me again I'll freak!!!
So since I obviously can't keep feeling like this (too sad and too much of a bitch) I have to come up with a game plan.

• I have to go out and get on with life so I'll force myself to go out by not buying all the groceries I need for the next day, I have to go out or else I go hungry
• I will accept that I stand out (there is no way for me to blend in) and that things are almost completely different here.
• I don't like being a bitch on the street so I will smile while I say no or shake my head at the boda guys and the beggars (many of them are kids anyways).
• I will take at least 45 minutes a day to chill out, watch a movie/tv show or listen to music - something from home.
• I will go shopping this weekend and get stuff I can only get here to decorate my place - local art and that sort of stuff. I already have pictures from home all over my fridge.
• I will try to spend more time with my coworkers because they are a super support network. We already laugh a ton so I'll continue that... Naomi only lasted 3 hours without laughing today and she was trying hard!
• I will go explore my neighbourhood more. I think there are some really cool places around here.
• I will harrass my friends via internet - I'm back on msn now so sign in people, I want to talk to you!!!
• I will continue to believe that the peace talks will result in a real end to the war upcountry although everyone (myself included) is reluctant to get too excited because they have been let down in the past.

I think that should work. I always feel better with a game plan and I think I can deal with this. It won't be easy but since when is anything worthwhile easy?